Your marriage is under attack. Even when things are going well, when romance is high and communication is flowing, there is an assault being planned. Your enemy is not your spouse—your enemy is the enemy of Christ, Satan and his forces. They will do all they can to neutralize the effectiveness of your marriage partnership for Christ. Even if they cannot ultimately destroy your marriage, they will have accomplished their purpose if they can distract you from each other and from your impact for Jesus. What do you do when the enemy attacks your marriage?
Your Spouse is not Your Enemy
Don’t misunderstand us—Satan will do his best to use your spouse, extended family, “friends,” and others for his purposes. But they are not your real enemy. The Bible is clear that, “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Ephesians 6:12) Again, your spouse is not your enemy.
How the Enemy Attacks Your Marriage
The tactics the enemy uses aren’t new or creative. They are the same ones he uses in almost any situation—only they are applied to your marriage.
Here are the three main tactics followed by how you can stand up to him.
1. The Enemy Attacks Your Marriage with Fear
Anything that can inject fear into you or your spouse will work. The Apostle Peter describes our attacker as one who “prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 3:8). His roar is meant to paralyze with fear. He wants to separate the two of you so he can have you to himself. Then he can pepper your mind with doubts and fears. Don’t let the enemy attack your marriage with fear.
Some of the key marital fears we have observed or experienced are fears of:
- Losing security (financial, domestic, relational)
- Rejection
- Abuse (control, verbal, physical, mental)
- Failure
2. The Enemy Attacks Your Marriage Through Disunity
Jesus prayed for the unity of all Christians, including you and your spouse. However, Satan is doing all he can to create division in your marriage. If he can create irritations between you and pride within you, then he has a foothold for division.
Some key areas where he seeks to bring disunity are around:
- Conflict with no resolution
- Disagreements with disrespect
- Communication that fails to connect
- Values that conflict
- Family meddling
- Offense taken and not forgiven or resolved
3. The Enemy Uses Disloyalty to Attack Your Marriage
This is betrayal in its various forms in a marriage. If the enemy can entice one spouse into finding pleasure, relationship, and intimacy anywhere else, then he has done his work. Here are primary avenues he uses:
- Pornography
- Adultery—both physical and emotional
- Workaholism
- Family—over committed to the children at the exclusion of your spouse
So, what can we DO to combat the tactics the enemy uses to attack your marriage?
1. Claim Your Authority
You are positionally seated with Christ as His follower (Ephesians 2:6). Pray with confidence a prayer like: “In the Name of Jesus Christ and his shed blood I command every evil spirit to leave my home and my marriage. You will not have your way with me or us.”
2. Flee Temptation
When temptation presents itself to you—RUN! There is always a way out. God has already given you the strength and courage to escape, you just have to choose His escape route. (1 Corinthians 10:12ff)
3. Resist the Devil
As you take your authority in Christ and flee temptation, you are promised that the enemy will then flee from you. If you don’t know what to say or pray, repeat the name of Jesus. There is power in His name!
What have you done to resist when the enemy attacks your marriage? Share them below and stand strong together in Christ as you build your marriage!
Would you like to engage more fully with your spouse and build your marriage in a healthy, biblical way? Through books and articles, Heidi and Brad Mitchell help couples grow in their faith to build a marriage on biblical principles. Through Christian marriage conferences and couples’ retreats, Heidi and Brad share biblical truths of how to build your marriage on the foundation of God’s Word. Their careful application of Scripture, along with personal stories and practical tools, has been used by God to transform marriages and redirect families. If you’d like Heidi and Brad to speak at your next marriage conference or couples retreat, connect with them here.
Amen, that’s excellent advice. It’s frustrating as we’ve done these things in the past many times in talking with Christian counselors, my wife Heather was neglected by her Mom when she was young. I mean meanfully neglected, as this is what has caused her to become mental with many issues. We are both 56 years old and are both on our 3rd marriage but this is my wife’s patterns all throughout our life together, she apologizes the next everytime. I’m not a violent man in fact the opposite, she bursts our false accusations. I’m not her ex’s but she sees me like them, our peace will last for 3 weeks tops. Then it happens again, I have prayed for Jesus to give her mind peace but it never comes. I understand how the Lord puts people in your life to mold an shape us but I’m wearing out of patience, I’m an amputee and we are both on disability insurance. Thing’s are tight but God is with us, it’s causing my walk with Him to doubt. It’s a hard path I’m on, thank you
Hi Ken, thank you for writing. That’s awesome she is a prayer warrior, though we aren’t sure what you mean by her using the prayers against you. From what you wrote, it sounds like your wife is aware of her struggles as she is believing for healing. If she is seeing ongoing professional help, perhaps the two of you can talk with her counselor about some agreed upon boundaries you could establish for yourself when those attacks come–or you could make an appt. with a Christian counselor in your community to help you both come to agreement about what steps you can take.
Clearly you are the man Jesus trusted to marry her and take care of her. We would encourage you to do your part in making the marriage safe by refraining from any threats or talk of divorce. Instead, use these painful and stressful times to focus on Christ, his strength, peace and wisdom in the midst of the valley. In Psalm 22 David was under attack and cried out the words Jesus repeated on the cross, “My God, my God! Why have you forsaken me?” In the dark moments of life we can feel that way and identify with David. Remember, though, that Psalm 23 comes next where David remembered and was able to say, “Even though I walk THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death, I will not be afraid for you are with me.” And after the cross and the tomb, came the resurrection. There IS HOPE and God’s presence in the middle of what you and you wife are facing, Ken.
Hang in there, keep you eyes on Jesus, and love your wife with Jesus’ love and compassion. We’ll be praying. Stay in touch.
My wife is a prayer warrior, but she uses it against me. She takes medicine to keep her normal but when she doesn’t take them she thinks I’m doing wrong things against her, it’s a confusing. She believes whole heartedly that Jesus will heal her but it never comes, we been married for 9 years as I’ve endured these attacks as it’s wearing. She’s been in mental facilities 5 times, I try to have patience with her. I’m seeking wisdom, I’m surely not perfect as I’ve yelled, cussed, and made claims to divorce but it never came to that. 9 years, yikes.
I really needed to hear these words,i love Jesus and i love my husband but the enemy has really talkin us thru some real trials this year we have been married for 23 years and i love this man he is my world but i have been so angry with him over family issues in-laws that i just forgot at a time that i love him and that my marriage was more important and that anyone can do what they want but that make and him are 1in God’s Eyes and we’re needed tip stick together against the enemy and other situations thank you again for this article really touch home for me
This is just so apt right now. Thank you ,God bless!
Hi Rayneal. We’ve been married 31 years and we need reminders as well. Satan is a deceiver and counterfeiter. Stand strong in prayer for your marriage and we will stand with you prayer as well. Blessings to you in Christ.
You’re welcome!
Fantastic! Thank you!
You’re welcome, William and Rachel! Blessings to you two!