We love weddings. Recently we attended the wedding of one of our friends’ son, Peter, and his fiance, Kristen. (see picture above) After the wedding the reception was held in a renovated theater where the lighting created a scene that was magical. The event was filled with happiness and celebration. Part of the joy that flooded the room was from the flames of love between the bride and groom.
Sadly, it is not uncommon for us to see couples who have allowed the passion for their spouse at the wedding to cool significantly in the ensuing years. As we reflected on the wedding, we came up with four ways every couple can reignite the spark of their love and fan it once again to a roaring flame.
1) Gaze Again
Look at the picture we took of Peter and Kristen. They can’t stop looking into each other’s eyes. You can see their gaze to know and understand each other without a word being shared.
Practice gazing again into your spouse’s eyes. Relearn how to connect and understand what is happening in the depths of their soul. Catch anew the wonder of who they are. Fall deeply in love once more with the heart of the one you married.
2) Laugh Again
The stress and strain of life can squeeze the happiness from our spirits. Proverbs 17:22 says that “A cheerful heart is good medicine….” Take pleasure in each other. Train your face to smile in the presence of your partner. Instead of being irritated with your spouse, let their idiosyncrasies endear you to them.
Choose a funny movie together. Tell jokes. Enjoy some playful—respectful—teasing. Have fun again!
3. Date Again
We’re heard nearly all of the excuses for why couples don’t date: we don’t have time; the kids’ activities fill our calendar, we can’t afford it, etc. As a result, many couples live parallel disconnected lives and the romantic spark starts to fade.
The irony is that one day they will have to find the time and money for long-term counseling or even worse, they will choose divorce. Those options will cost far more in time, money, and angst than doling out resources to invest into dating your mate.
You can read some ideas about dating on a post we wrote here. The focused time you spend will be an investment not only into your marriage, but also your personal happiness.
4. Communicate Again.
Certainly you two chat about the day’s activities. No doubt you organize who-does-what for the next day. The conversation may include updates on the children or friends. But couples struggle making the effort to communicate any deeper than that.
We suggest you use follow up questions to dig a little deeper. Ask your spouse questions like:
- How did that make you feel?
- What did you think about that?
- What else was going on?
- What do you think you should/will do next?
- Tell me more.
Simple questions like these show interest and attentiveness. Like a gardner tending the soil, you are fertilizing and caring for the connection in your marriage.
What else can you think of that you can do “again” as a couple to rekindle your spark? Start today and you will be on your way to build your marriage!