At almost every Build Your Marriage conference, parents of young children often ask, “We love our kids, but how do you find time in marriage for each other when raising little children?”
If you’ve ever been through the apartment hunting or house shopping process, you know what it’s like to walk into a place and just know it isn’t the right spot to call home. Our neighbors told us that they had walked through over fifty homes before they chose the one near us! Eventually you either settle for a place that has most of the things on your wish list, or you find the home that made you go, “Ahhhhhhh!” the first time you walked through it.
That’s not unlike like the search for the church you will both call home. We’ve known couples who have tried numerous churches before landing on the “Ahhhhhhh!” church. Others found their home church on the first visit.
So how does a couple find a church home together? Here are a few guiding suggestions:
In our marriage we continually have working “resolutions” on things we want to improve. In order to lead Build Your Marriage we are on a quest to build OUR marriage! 🙂 Pastor and author Bill Hybels says, every leader has a “holy discontent” with the status quo and we believe the same should be true for our marriages, too!
As you look toward 2018 here are five resolutions we believe every couple can make that will dramatically improve and build YOUR marriage:
Generous??? We had been homeless for nearly 10 months and during that time being generous seemed impossible. We lost 90% of our income overnight. We couldn’t afford to get into another place to live. A kind couple gave us the upstairs of their home to live in.
That was our story just a few years ago. How could we practice generosity? But looking back we can see how God not only provided for us in miraculous ways, he honored our efforts at being generous.
Like any other couple, we have seen our share of change in almost 35 years of marriage. And so have you. There are all kinds of things that can change in our lives: health, job, career, having children, moving, financial (up or down), deaths, accidents, church, friendships, and the list goes on. And even if only one of you is facing a change of some kind, it affects both of you…and your marriage.
For over 60 years the game show, “To Tell The Truth” has aired on television and it’s basically an exercise in honesty. Have you ever watched it? Here’s how it’s played: four celebrity panelists ask questions of three participants. One of the contestants truly has had an unusual occupation or experience while the other two contestants are imposters trying to throw off the celebrities. Only one of the three contestants is actually telling the truth. It’s a great show!
But in marriage, if you or your spouse is regularly wondering if they are hearing the truth or a fabrication, it’s no game. The “white lies,” “casual lies,” and layers of deception erode the very foundation of a marriage. Trust is broken and it can take a long time to rebuild trust and restore the value of absolute honesty in a marriage.
For just a moment, think about all the preparation that went into your wedding: saying “I do,” picking the date, setting the budget, finding the location for the wedding and reception, choosing the dress, selecting the colors, asking attendants, making the guest list (and cutting it down!), finding the photographer, musicians, officiant, and the list goes on and on. So much planning went into the wedding! (We get this as we’ve planned two weddings in the past year!) During the ceremony there were multiple components of the service as well. And yet of all the elements that had to come together for your special day, we believe the most important moment was when you declared your vows to each other.